6 years

I really can’t believe it’s 6 years tomorrow since you left us.

There’s not a day goes by that your sister Zoëy & myself don’t share your name and even her little son Leigh talks a lot about his aunty Órla in heaven and I love him a little bit more every time he picks up a feather as says ‘oh look grandma it’s aunty Órla.

I so wish you could meet him and he you but it was not meant to be. Your mummy looks so different to you used to see her. I’ve lost over 13 stone that’s like another whole person. I now would have the energy to push you around and carry you. God I wish I could do that now. I’m off next week to an operation to get rid of my baggy skin and I’m excited and terrified at the same time but keep thinking what’s the worst can happen I could die but I get to you my little bubba if I do so I’m not going to be scared.

It seems fitting that the new me will be emerging at this sad time of year.

I don’t write too often these days because I simply cannot write anything to you without ending up upset and I try not to dwell too much.

This time every year since you’ve gone is a countdown of terrible memories that I wish I didn’t have but there also the last previous days we had with you.

Sleep tight my little princess, my beautiful Órla Rose ❤️

Miss this cheeky little face ❤️

Forever Órla Rose’s Mummy ❤️

Missing you

This post somehow didn’t get published so I’m doing it now 6 months later.

I miss you so much darling, it’s scary that the years without you are flying by and lots of new memories are without you by my side. I wish I had new adventures of you to post and new birthdays instead of reposting old photographs of you. I wish Leigh had real memories of you and not just stories told of aunty Órla in heaven.

The new breakthrough drug for cystic fibrosis patients has finely been approved by the NHS in Northern Ireland which is bittersweet but then because of your autism you weren’t good at taking your meds were you my pet, so it probably wouldn’t have saved you.

Why is life so cruel? Why you?

Your great granny mullins passed away last month, but you know that don’t you cause she’s with you and grandad now. We went to her months mind of Saturday and the priest was talking about believing in the afterlife and heaven. He mentioned about how some souls are taken earlier than others (granny was 100) and he believed that it was because they had already done their job and their presence had influenced enough people already that their job was done earlier.

I liked that idea, that you had such an affect on peoples lives when they met you that your job on earth was done quicker than most. I do know you taught me and cece how lucky we are to have life and to be grateful for it. How important family is and how we must treasure everything and everybody around us because no one knows when we just might be taken away.

I love you so much darling.